I'll be yours, only yours
by Kurikuri
Summary: Hisoka has troubles and so are everyone else. It's hard to tell who is in love with who, but they have to try. A very Muraki look-like girl entered everyone's life. How she going to change everyone's oppion of life and death? This is the first crazy story


I'll be yours, only yours.  
  
Author's notes: Hi folks! This is my first Yami no Matsuei fan fiction I've ever written so sorry if you think I muck it up. I am actually a new fan of this wonderful story so there is so much that I probably mucked up and didn't even know that I mucked them up. Then again, I'm not a native English speaker only started learning it for about 4 years ago. So please go easy on me! Responds to the writing will be very appreciated!  
  
Warnings: this is a mainly a Hisoka based fiction and there won't be much *unhealthy* hints at all. This fic is not for hentais, sorry. Well, the story is related right after Kyoto Arc. I've never watched the anime so this is purely based on the manga (I swear that I'm going to watch the anime this year!). And the paring would be: Hisoka & Tsuzuki; Watari & 003 (yes, that's right); Tatsumi & Yuki (she's someone I made up); Tatsumi & Tsuzuki; Watari & Hisoka; Hisoka & Oriya; Muraki & Oriya/Ukyo... (Yep, you've got the basic idea... they all going out with each other... randomly. *Sighs*)  
  
Disclaimer: AHHH!!!! I hate this bite, cause this reminds me that I do not own any YnM characters!!!! NO!!!! Except for the story line and some random characters that never appeared in the original YnM are my creations. Anything else belongs to the wonderful Matsushita Yoko sensei. *Bows respectfully*  
  
*****  
  
How long has it been? The pain and the agony are still harassing me.  
  
Is it yesterday that I died?  
  
Those last painful sufferings of the last few days of my life was awfully intolerable.  
  
When my mind was inactive and unconscious, I laid in that usual hospital bed passing away slowly.  
  
Cold sweats streamed down my back, my forehead, tingling every inch of my body.  
  
Unable to move or to conduct a slightest movement, couldn't even open my eyelids.  
  
Can't breath. Can't move. Can't speak. Can't listen. Can't taste. Can't feel. Can't touch. I was dying.  
  
Damn the stupid empathy! Because of that, even when my mind was at the deepest black hole I could still pick up the anger, the sadness, and mostly the pain that my body was enduring.  
  
I had always been afraid of death. Afraid of where I'll go and what'll happen to me later, because I had been such a demon child to my family. But none of the fears was meaningful enough to object to my appetite to die.  
  
But if only I could die quickly.  
  
If only I had the strength, I would get up and pick up anything that is sharp enough and thrust it into my heart. I would do it without a second thought just to get away from this kind of pain that I was tolerating under. Secretly I have been praying to end this life. Anything, any price even exchanging my soul with death. I would've paid for getting ride of this living life of torture.  
  
Then, with last sudden stung of burning pain. My life was over. I was dead. First time in the last three years of my life, I was freed from the everlasting pain. I felt relieved and my mind reset with bright pure white lights of the heaven surrounding me. Warmed by the tenderness of God. I was reborn again.  
  
***** Sitting beneath the windowsill where a pot of lavenders is still blossoming. A book is now laying on my lap, I start to stare outside.  
  
The health department got a really excellent outdoor views since it is right near the most elaborated part of the garden. Every kinds of flower, which should be blossoming to the fullest are arraying there.  
  
I lay back a little and sink right into the soft cushions that are embracing me tightly. I let myself immerse with the relaxing smell of the lavenders. I fell asleep again.  
  
Sounds of beating flames of the hell.  
  
The immense heat surrounding me, tearing me apart.  
  
"Tsuzuki! Tsuzuki!" I shout franticly, "Where are you?"  
  
I see a figure flickering behind the black flame.  
  
Without thinking about the pain now I'm bearing. Without thinking about the black, hot flame that is licking every part of the delicate me and burning them away. I am rushing towards the figure into the deepest part of the flame.  
  
The flame keeping striking me.  
  
The more I want to get to the figure and embrace him, the more I'm being knock away by the flame.  
  
My head is pounding hard. A dense fear screams around me. But I have to move on, I told myself. Continue for my deepest desire.  
  
The figure keeping disappearing and reappearing behind the thick flame.  
  
"Don't go away from me!" I heard myself bawling out desperately, "Tsuzuki, come back to me!"  
  
"Soka-chan?" a weak voice comes from the figure, "I...am...tired..." and it then fades away as the flam thickens and brightens up as hotly as ever.  
  
"Don't go away! No! Tsuzuki! Come back to me!" and it is gone. Everything. He was gone and left me. Left me like a empty shell.  
  
"No...don't let this happen..." I heard myself muttering. I turn my head side to side, trying to escape this explosive madness of ache full of regrets. They are chocking me. Feeling the pangs from the coldness of the sweats now running down my forehead.  
  
"Hisoka san?" some one is speaking softly into my ears.  
  
"Hisoka san, wake up." Then a pair of gentle hands rocks me a little, I opens my eyes and found Watari holding my elbows. Not the black flame or the figure that I couldn't embrace.  
  
"Hi bon. Fall asleep with a book? You'll catch a cold like that, so I woke you up." He walks towards Tsuzuki and pulls out some checking equipment from a trolley he had.  
  
"Not like Shinigami can catch cold." I says it and fiddling with my hair.  
  
"Yeah. Sorry if I woke you up in a good dream."  
  
"Not really." The image of the dream passing me like a new flash up. I shock my head a little. I don't want to worry Watari, he had enough hard times when Tsuzuki and I were both unconscious.  
  
"That's good. Wanna give a hand?" Watari is now checking Tsuzuki's temperature. "Just pass me things from the trolley." He says this with one of his usual genki wink.  
  
"Sure". I push some hair back a little and straighten my cloth. I push the trolley towards him. 003 flaps her wing and sits quietly onto the trolley handle.  
  
Looking at Tsuzuki now, he is so pleasant. Like a child sleeping inside a cradle with his mother at side singing a sweet lullaby. I had none of that when I was a child. And I doubt he had this kind of love in his childhood. His eyes shut and lips relax, but teeth visible. Sleeping peacefully even thought he is still unconscious. Still some bandages wraps around his arms and from his neck to his lower jaw.  
  
Touda's fire is not normal fire. It could even burn a Shinigami to death. That's was why Tsuzuki had chosen him to kill himself. He was that determent to be dead once for all.  
  
But I insisted not to let him die. He came back because I didn't want him to die.  
  
How selfish. I am almost sickened over this selfishness that I possessed. How could I even take away Tsuzuki's last chance of what he actually wanted. He wanted to die. He wanted to get away from the pain and agony. He wanted eternal peace, but I stole them from him.  
  
But if I didn't do so? If I didn't jumped into that fire and pleaded him to come back. If I didn't being such a selfish brat. That will I become now?  
  
Tsuzuki was the first person ever cared about me. He would do anything to protect me, to please me. He is the one who gave me this 'place' to be here. To enjoy this big family, which tightens together deeper than blood. He gave me a home to come back to. He was my father, my mother, my older brother, and my older sister. Sometimes even younger brother, younger sister. He gave me what I've been dreamed for in the past years. A family full of love and understanding. A place to call my own. He made my dreams come true.  
  
If I let him die. What'll become of me? I don't want to loss the family love I had received. Not when I finally gained it, I'm not going to give it away. Further more, if he dies there won't be the same 'place' for me ever again. And I knew this would haunt me forever until I explode, because I knew if I didn't try to bring you back, I'll regret it forever after. I'd rather die than not to try.  
  
That were my reasons for going into that flame and pleaded like a spoiled child. That were my reasons for not letting you die alone. Tsuzuki, sorry. If only you would know. I loved you.  
  
That was my deepest desire.  
  
"Hi bon, felt asleep again?"  
  
To Watari's voice, I realize that my eyelids were closed while I am passing another tube of medicine.  
  
"What's wrong?" asks Watari.  
  
I quickly adjust my emotion and stop myself frowning. "Nothing."  
  
"Really? I hope so. If you feel wonky just tell me OK?" staring at me for a moment just to make sure I am really fine, Watari returns to inject some more medicine to Tsuzuki.  
  
He and Tatsumi san had been on a quite extraordinary relationship lately to what I've found out. They probably had a argument or some sort on the subject of the Tsuzuki's rescue. I am not actually surprised that they actually had an argument if neither of them told me. After all, Tatsumi was the one who had hesitated in rescuing Tsuzuki out from his suicide attempt and Watari was the one who pressured him to rescue Tsuzuki.  
  
Watari's fury was rather shocking then. I was totally freaked out when I heard him shouting like an angry lion at Tatsumi. He usually was nothing but a genki scientist. Always happy and cheerful. I never expected him to blast out like that. That over flow of anger and fury would surely knocked me flat that time if I wasn't concerning too much on how to get Tsuzuki back.  
  
And for Tatsumi, may be he was right then. He is the one who understood Tsuzuki the best out of all of us. He realized Tsuzuki's true desire then. He had known Tsuzuki was trying to have his fair share of peace.  
  
Shaking my head a bit.  
  
That was the past.  
  
The painful past should be forgotten.  
  
Move on. *****  
  
Woodland birds chip the coming of night. A heron flies over a field of white. Snows are drifting down from the clouded sky. A open hill all filled with soft, cushion like snows. A huge plain field all coloured in white and a open sky wallpapered with light grey.  
  
A girl sitting in the middle of the spectacular landscape. Her silk thin hair flowing with the gentle wind. Platinum white and long. Slowly she brush some of them behind her ears and continues to draw.  
  
She is painting the whole winter view. The brushes struck like magic over a piece of watercolour paper. The drawing looks just like the real thing. Soft, peaceful and gentle.  
  
It's still snowing, but she continues to draw. As if she stops, she'll never have a chance to draw again.  
  
Snow flaks are drifting down onto her work and onto her pink cheeks. They are burning for they are cold. The sky blue jacket she is wearing seems enough for her.  
  
She sits there drawing for hours and hours. Until the painting and her merges into the background completing the gentle landscape of a Hokkaido winter view.  
  
*****  
  
Oriya, the man who had been Muraki's best friend ever since they've meet first at High school. Oriya, the man who had been a demon's friend. Who had known his best friend is a sadistic murder, rapist and still stayed with him.  
  
The door ajar a little, outside the sakura trees are blossoming fully. No matter what the natural weather is like the sakuras here will always blossom. They say that they are bonded with owner and the place. They say that this place is holy.  
  
Not so holy to Oriya.  
  
No place is holy where everyday girl's purities are soiled more and more. No place is holy where here there is no God or religion, where all is filled with disgusted lust.  
  
"Oriya samma, the food will be cold if you don't eat it.." a servant asks timidly, but only silence answered her.  
  
Oriya signs for her to go and she humbly took her leave. He stares into the seaweeds and the porridge in front of him.  
  
"Muraki... come back..." that was the last words he spoke before he slashed the food and the dishes with his katana.  
  
*****  
  
"May be it wasn't such a great idea to let Tsuzuki san eat that much chocolate cake." Sighs from Tatsumi san.  
  
Truthfully, I wasn't really happy at the idea that greeting a hungry puppy with a huge chocolate cake right after his first day of recovery, but Wataba did spend quiet a lot of effort into baking the cake. And no one could've managed to get Tsuzuki away from the cake once he smelt it.  
  
"No, cake heals!" protesting against Tatsumi's remark, Tsuzuki pushed another full mouthful of cake into his chocolate covered mouth.  
  
"I'm glade that you like the cake, Tsuzuki san." Wataba smiles at him.  
  
"Yeah, we were very worried about you, you know?" that was said by the Hokkaido duo. The most annoying pair every existed on Earth. I'm just glade that they were not thinking of the ' Pink House dress' and me in one of them or else I know I won't be here sitting comfortably in the common room.  
  
"Thank you for everything!" with chocolate in his mouth, Tsuzuki leaps up with the last bit of the cake.  
  
"You know, we should really have an office party for Tsuzuki." Says Watari with 003 floating about near his two golden plaits.  
  
"Yeah, let's party!" shrieks Yuma and Saya.  
  
"Ahem..." trying to clear his throat, Tatsumi says",... I think it's time everyone should go back to work."  
  
"Tatsumi, no fun!" yells Tsuzuki.  
  
"It'll waste office money and time"  
  
Before poor (my slight remark) Tatsumi san could say another word of protest. He is unfortunately being drowned, once again into the world of teary, amethyst eyes. Yes, Tsuzuki is full of paws, puppy ears, and a wiggly tail. Everyone know that Tatsumi could never resist this kind of Tsuzuki styled pleading. He had to gave in and in the end that's what he did. Everyone then screamed in happiness and Watari and Wataba volunteered themselves to bring more food and Saya and Yuma set off to find a hi-fi system because a party with them is bond to have karaoke.  
  
"Will you join, Hisoka?" pleading now for me to join the *so-called-fun*, Tsuzuki is making his SD puppy form on me.  
  
"I think not."  
  
"Oh, pretty please, it'll be fun!"  
  
I look straight into his face. Some one inside of me is telling me repeating "beware the watery eye attack...beware the watery eye attack..." And it is exactly what I subjected to after Tsuzuki's last words "... and a cherry on the top". He is crying his little heart out. I knew from that moment I cannot refuse him. (make a mental note Hisoka, next time listen to your inner-self)  
  
"Fine, but don't expect me to stay long. I've got something called work tomorrow." I remarked, trying to be annoyed. I'm used to show false emotions and Tsuzuki was the first person that saw through what a torn up child really is behind the cold mask I wore. Truthfully, I wish that one day I won't be needing the mask and let my true heart come to light. I wish that there is someone who I could share my heart and be my harbour. To be awfully true about myself, I'm scared of that if I would be hurt if open up myself. I've lived long enough to know being emotionally hurt is far more worse than being physically hurt. So, will I take my chance one day? I can't decide just now.  
  
May be time will decide for me.  
  
*****  
  
Watching those party animals celebrating and making noise and mess everywhere surely isn't helping to demonstrate what Tsuzuki had described a "fun party". Not to me anywhere. And besides how did I ended up here sitting in the midst of the all those teasing folks and watching them forcing Tatsumi to eat a piece of double chocolate cake? Well, watching Tatsumi being forced to eat is rather funny but hell knows when they'll turn their teasing attention upon me?  
  
"Tatsumi no fun! Eat the cake!" that's Tsuzuki taking a spoon fall of cake and trying to stuff them into Tatsumi's mouth.  
  
"Wee! Eat it Tatsumi or I'll add some secret potion into your coffee tomorrow!" that's Watari. In fact a half drunk Watari.  
  
I have to admire Tatsumi's ability of control. I know I would've burst into anger and kicked my way out of this room if they had done that to me. Well, in the other hand, if they didn't got Tatsumi drunk a bit, I bet they won't gone that far teasing him without some bloodshed.  
  
Tsuzuki is getting the chocolate everywhere but just not inside Tatsumi's mouth. There is even chocolate on his glasses. Hisoka. Makes a mental note that never, NEVER let a drunken man fed you chocolate cake, NEVER! You'll end up looking like an snowman covered with petrol (not very good description but trust be you don't want to look like what Tatsumi looks like now).  
  
And believe it or not, Tatsumi is not making a single comment or movement. Something tells me, bad thing will happen soon, very soon. Take cover Hisoka, my inner-self warns me again, and this time I'm going to listen to him. So I have my hand on a whole bunch of protective Ofuda.  
  
"Tatsumi eat it up!" Tsuzuki grabs another spoonful of chocolate and tries hard to force-feed them through Tatsumi's firmly tightened lips.  
  
The atmosphere here is just like in one of those "pre-loony" state in some animes. And I could have betted that Tatsumi would burst out demolish after Tsuzuki's failed attempt (for the hundredth time) to feed him chocolate cake turned into "if he doesn't want to eat cake, we can stuff cake into his nose" attempt, thanks to the "genius"- Watari.  
  
So now, I am worryingly watching this massacre and thankful that I've listened to my wise inner-self. Otherwise I would been slashed and smashed by Tatsumi's invincible shadows just like what's happening to the others. That served them right. Those stupid animals, good for nothing but making troubles.  
  
This is going to be a very long night.  
  
I should have bought a book.  
  
***** A silver tiara, broken and forgotten.  
  
A teddy bear, ripped and torn apart.  
  
A fairy dress, sheared and shred to pieces.  
  
A picture book, smeared with blood.  
  
Still it smells fresh and new. Cover me with blood mother. Murder me father.  
  
I am you very own and your pride.  
  
Your very own daughter. Silk thin hair, long and wavy, dyed with platinum paint. Porcelain skin pure and soft. Silver eyes like the dearest pearl.  
  
I am what you all wanted. A daughter that you can call your own.  
  
I am the prefect one.  
  
A perfect angel stained with blood from the victims that I consume.  
  
*****  
  
I will confess right now that I am very contradicting person. Well, I just glade that I came out of that "celebration of Tsuzuki's recovery party" alive. Frankly, I will never ever in my whole entire afterlife allow myself to be involved in that kind of mess, ever again.  
  
For anyone who is interested to know what had exactly happened, I will shortly summary the general happening after Tatsumi had gone nuts.  
  
Well, you know that after Tsuzuki's *little* attempt to force-feed Tatsumi had failed and gotten to the point that 


End file.
